


Wounded Mind

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-28
Updated: 2003-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: This fic is set in episode 202 between when Justin first remembered the attack and when he woke up in the loft.





	Wounded Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Even though it was his son’s birthday, Brian felt as though he were sitting on the side lines. It was more for Gus and his mommies, having nothing to do with Brian except he was the one who had first attempted to put the swing set together. So while the birthday boy and his mothers sat on a small platform joyfully opening presents, Brian was standing far away from them on the porch. 

Brian, however, was far from alone. By his side, as always, was Justin. Only now he had stopped trying to push the teen away. It had taken nearly losing him for Brian to realize just how important Justin was to him. And despite how easily he had given up at Jennifer’s request, Brian knew that he would never be able to give the younger man up. 

“I still can’t believe we’ve known each other for a while year,” Justin said quietly, pulling Brian from his thoughts. 

Brian glanced over at the other man, a slight smile playing on his lips. “It went by quick, didn’t it? Hardly seems like a year at all. 

Justin returned his smile then the two turned back to Gus who was frantically waving a piece of brightly coloured paper that had been covering his present. Lindsay and Melanie were doing most of the unwrapping as the toddler seemed more interested in the paper than the actual presents. 

“I pity the world when Gus is old enough to start acting like you,” Justin teased, his breath brushing against Brian’s throat as he spoke. 

“You’re a real comedian, kid,” Brian drawled, gently jabbing Justin in the side with his elbow. 

“You can’t tell me the prospect of two Brian Kinneys out there isn’t a frightening thing,” Justin pointed out, the grin firmly planted on his face. 

Brian smirked over at Justin. “At least there’s not two of you, Sunshine.” 

“Stop making fun of me and watch your son open his presents,” Just said, attempting to maintain a straight face. “He’s only gonna get to do this once.” 

“Which reminds me, why are Lindz and Mel going through all this when Gus isn’t even going to remember this party?” Brian asked, absently slipping an arm about Justin’s waist and pulling the younger man closer. 

“So that they can remember it,” Justin said absently, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Brian fell silent after that, his mind going back to what he and Justin had done earlier that afternoon. He had wanted so badly for Justin to remember the events that had taken place in that parking garage. Not just so that he could touch him without having to feel the other man tense up, but so that Justin could put the night behind him once and for all. Justin needed to work past all that and couldn’t do so if he couldn’t remembered what had happened. For his part, Brian could remember all too well. 

“Your son’s gonna be a baseball player!” Lindsay called to Brian as she held a bat-swinging Gus. 

Brian smirked over at her. “Yeah, well if he turns into a man I’m holding you personally responsible.” 

Turning his head away from his son who was happily swinging a yellow plastic bat, Brian came face to face with Justin who was white as a ghost and trembling visibly. 

“Justin?” 

Following Justin’s line of sight, Brian once again found himself staring at the bat Gus was brandishing. 

Reacting instantly, Brian wrapped his right arm around Justin’s shoulders, pulling the younger man against him. He used his arm to shield Justin from the rest of the crowd, cupping the teen’s right cheek with his free hand. Moving gently, Brian pulled Justin further into the porch’s shadows, hoping that they would be ignored. 

“Justin, look at me,” Brian said softly, his eyes trained on the other man’s. “Justin. You’re all right, Justin. You’re safe. Nothing is going to happen. I’m right here, Justin. I’m here. You’re not by yourself this time.” 

Even as he said the words, Brian felt just as helpless as he had the night of the prom. He may have actually been standing fifty feet away for all the good he was doing Justin. Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s as he slid his body infinitely closer to the other man’s, hoping that his touch would have an effect where words weren’t. When he felt Justin’s hands fumble, then clutch at his hips, Brian knew that he was doing something to help. 

“Brian....” Justin moaned, his fingers tightening their grip on Brian’s waist. 

“I’ve got you,” Justin. You’re safe,” Brian assured the teen, his thumb lightly stroking Justin’s cheek. “Nothing’s gonna happen to you. You’re safe, Justin. You’re safe.” 

As the endless seconds ticked by, Brian could do nothing but hold Justin and pray that it would be over soon. He felt completely helpless, not something he did well. Brian knew that he was at least having some effect, small as it was, as Justin’s trembling began to lessen somewhat. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Justin squeezed his eyes shut and sagged against Brian, his body becoming boneless. Keeping his one arm draped across the teen’s shoulders, he wound his other arm about Justin’s waist, holding him as close as possible. 

“I keep seeing it. Over and over again. I keep seeing him hitting me,” Justin sobbed as he pressed his face against Brian’s shoulder. “It’s so loud.” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Brian said fiercely, his lips brushing against Justin’s ear. “You survived. That little shit didn’t win. You did. That’s all that matters. You’re alive.” 

Justin’s sobs were reduced to quiet whimpers, but he still continued to clutch at Brian. Knowing that he needed to get this out of him, Brian didn’t protest even though he was sure that he would have bruises in the shape of Justin’s fingers on his hips. Truth was he was probably holding the other man just as tightly. 

“Come on, Justin, I’m gonna take you home now,” Brian said softly. 

All Justin could do was nod, unable to find his voice. 

With slow, coaxing movements, Brian began to steer Justin through the house. Just about everyone was outside so no one spoke to them on the way out. Even if someone had tried to speak to them, Brian was sure that a quick glare from him would have silenced them. Brian only wanted to get Justin back home where he could keep an eye on him. Brian had no clue how Justin would ultimately react to the memories he had recovered. He had a feeling that this was only the beginning. 

“I’m sorry I wrecked the party for you,” Justin mumbled, staring at the ground as they stepped out of the front door. 

Stopping in his tracks, Brian turned Justin towards him. Placing one hand on his hip, he used his free hand to lift the young man’s chin. “You didn’t wreck anything, Justin. You’re more important than any fucking party. You hear me?” 

Justin nodded his head slightly, unwilling to meet Brian’s eyes. “Yeah, I hear you.” 

“Justin,” Brian said sternly, ducking down to peer up into his eyes. 

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Justin opened then stared into Brian’s eyes. “I really don’t mean to get in the way.” 

Brian straightened up and pulled Justin against him, pressing a kiss against his temple. “You’re not in the way. If I didn’t want to be doing this, I wouldn’t. You should know that by now.” 

Justin was silent, clutching at the back of Brian’s shirt. 

The pair stood on the front porch while Justin got himself under control. Once he had stopped trembling and had released his grip on Brian’s shirt, Justin took a half step back and dipped his head down. 

“You all right now?” Brian asked, gently squeezing Justin’s shoulder. 

“I think so.... Yeah,” Justin said quietly, shoving his blonde hair back from his face with his left hand. “Can we go now?” 

The ride back to the loft was made in complete silence. Brian was at a loss for words. He saw the pain in Justin’s eyes and it made his heart ache every time he saw that pain. That fear. Despite what everyone had been trying to tell him, Brian knew that what had happened to Justin was his fault. If he hadn’t showed up at the prom, they wouldn’t have danced and Chris Hobbs wouldn’t have gone psycho and bashed Justin in the head. 

“It’s not your fault,” Justin said as Brian wen to climb out of the Jeep. 

Brian stopped in the middle of opening the door and bowed his head. “Yeah, it is.” 

Before Justin had a chance to respond, Brian climbed out of the Jeep, effectively ending the conversation. He crossed in front of the vehicle and helped a still shaking Justin climb down onto the street before crossing to the building the loft was located in. He could tell by the look on the other man’s face that he was close to passing out. Brian didn’t know exactly what was going on inside Justin’s head, but it couldn’t be good. If he was reliving that night.... Brian cringed internally, wanting to erase that night from his memory forever. 

Knowing that he couldn’t only made it that much worse. 

Once they got up to the loft, Brian insisted that Justin lay down and get some rest. The other man tried to protest, to insist that he was fine, but Brian didn’t buy it for one instant. Especially not when Justin stumbled as they stepped into the loft. 

Finally giving in, Justin allowed Brian to help him out of his jeans and into bed. Brian laid with him at first, holding him close while Justin drifted off to sleep. It didn’t take long. Almost as soon as his head touched the pillow, Justin was out cold. As he watched Justin sleep, Brian watched him, lightly brushing his fingers across the slopes and planes of his sleeping face. Not for the first time, Brian found himself so grateful that Justin was still with him. He had never actually told him, but Brian didn’t know what he would have done if Justin had died. When he had seen Chris Hobbs sneaking up behind Justin the parking garage.... That had been the worst moment of Brian’s life. 

Only when he was sure that Justin wasn’t going to wake up did Brian make a move to get off the bed. Brian pressed a kiss to the side of his head then carefully slid out of the bed, being sure not to wake Justin. He stood beside the bed for a few minutes, staring down at Justin’s sleeping form which was illuminated by the blue overhead light. 

Finally tearing his eyes away from Justin, Brian headed into the kitchen. He needed to call Lindsay and let her know that he hadn’t bailed on the party on purpose. Which was exactly what she and Melanie would expect of him. He wouldn’t have even been surprised to find out that there had been a pool going on how long it would take before he left. 

“So how’s Justin?” 

Brian was startled by Lindsay’s straight forward question. “How did you...?” 

“Emmett saw you leave,” she clarified. “He said that Justin was shaking and that you looked scared out of your wits. Which brings us back to my question: How is Justin?” 

“He’s sleeping,” Brian told her, peering towards the bedroom where he could keep an eye on Justin. “I don’t think he’s processed everything yet.” 

“Well give him my love and tell him that Gus loves the finger paints he bought him,” Lindsay said in way of farewell. 

“Bye Lindz.” 

Knowing that Justin wasn’t going to be up for a while, Brian put on the pretenses of working on some files he had brought home from the office. The only problem with that idea was that he couldn’t concentrate for any extended periods of time. All of the words got all jumbled together and he couldn’t make much sense of them. 

After three hours, Brian had had enough of pretending to do his work and headed into the kitchen to get himself something to eat. He hoped that food would help settle his nerves. What he really wanted to do was go to Babylon and lose himself in the music and nameless men in the back room. But he couldn’t do that. Justin needed him and as much as that terrified him, Brian forced himself to stay in the apartment. 

Just as Brian was cleaning up the kitchen, he heard a rustling sound from the bedroom. Glancing up quickly, he caught sight of Justin pushing himself into a seated position in the center of the bed. Finishing what he was doing, Brian shut off the lights in the kitchen and headed towards the bedroom. 

“Better now?” Brian asked quietly as he hovered near the entrance of the bedroom. 

Justin nodded his head, giving a mumbled response as he turned his body towards Brian. 

Moving slowly, Brian crossed over to the bed and sat down next to Justin. He was silent for a few moments before heaving a great sigh and admitted what had been going on in his head since he’d first seen the wild look in Justin’s eyes. “You really freaked me out.” 

“What you?” Justin snorted, sounding almost amused. 

“It was like you got hit all over again.” 

Justin eased his body closer to Brian’s, shocking the older man. He hadn’t expected Justin to do that, not yet. So Brian did what he thought was best and didn’t move an inch, wanting Justin to make the first move. 

“I remembered walking away and hearing your voice call my name,” Justin said softly, his eyes glancing down at the comforter before meeting Brian’s eyes again. “To warn me. You never told me about that. You tried to save me.” 

“Guess I forgot,” Brian said, trying to push the images of the same incident from his mind. He didn’t want to remember the sound of the bat striking Justin’s head. 

Justin’s smile caught him off guard. “It’s a good thing one of us remembered.” 

Then Justin was kissing him. It was a very gentle, tender kiss, but it still caught Brian off guard. It seemed like an eternity since he had felt Justin’s lips moving over his own. Unable to stop himself, Brian responded automatically to the kiss. Not wanting to upset Justin, he let the younger man lead the kiss, dictating how far it would go. 

Brian almost cried out when Justin pulled away. Holding in the cry, he kept his eyes focused on Justin as he sat back. Brian nearly cursed out loud when Justin reached inside his shirt and tugged on the bloodstained scarf that lay underneath. Justin pulled it away without a word, staring at the garment as though it were a foreign object. As though coming to a decision, Justin dropped it to the floor. 

Idiotic as it sounded, even to himself, Brian felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. For the first time in many months, his life was almost back to normal.


End file.
